…that the industry is taking a very interesting turn. I think there’s so much competition for people’s attention, what with all of the great cable and internet content, that studios and big independent money are more careful about producing new t.v. and film projects. As a result the quality of the new t.v. shows are considerably better than ever which induces stars into the world of t.v. This is compounded by the fact that studio films are far more scarce than ever so t.v., with consistent paychecks and (for the most part) legitimate work, is again a big draw for stars. All of this means that joe schmo is going to have a tough time of it because if a producer is choosing between a name and an unknown they’re going to cast a name almost every time.

In addition, pilot season seems to be becoming a thing of the past. Most shows cost big money because (as evidenced by Lost) people enjoy filmic story lines and visuals. But the expectations for viewership are relative to the show’s expense. Networks are less tolerant of sticking by shows that aren’t pulling down adequate ratings. If big money is going out and big numbers aren’t coming in they’ll pull the plug and stick a new show into its slot in the middle of the season. There’s now a year round flow of production rather than the distinct “seasons” we actors enjoyed up until this last year.

What all of this means for me is that I have to keep plugging away and hope my work captures someone’s attention. Because there’s fewer projects being produced right now and available roles are offered to names first, the number of auditions are reduced to a trickle. So I’ve got to get in the room and convince them that there’s no other actor for the role but me, or hope that (as with Invasion) the producers are inclined to take a chance on me. Of course there’s always the chance that a small independent project will fly below everyone’s radar allowing me a shot at a role that’s meaty enough to tear into it. If I get an opportunity to do my thing and if the project comes together during production and in post-production (as with Behind The Mask) then there’s a small window for someone to see my work and open a door for me somewhere.

Fortunately its always been competitive. I’ve never known it to be any other way. And all of the snooty opinions I had getting out of school of the kind of jobs I would and wouldn’t take have gone out the window. When I have a door opened and its work that will keep food on my family’s table I’ll walk through that door every time.

Nathan

I just noticed tonight that my belly reflects the state of my life and times. Big belly=struggle, flat belly=the posture of success. I got a big belly. Well…big for me.

I wanted to dislike 6 Degrees so much last night because of this pervasive feeling I had that J.J. Abrams had made a pact with the devil but in spite of the fact that I only watched the show in intermittent spurts I thought the acting was superb. Damn him for his success! Or praise him as you see fit.

My belly button is one finger-hole laterally and two finger-holes horizontally. And I’m not going to apologize.

N8

So as we all know INVASION is no more. The show was such an eye opener for me while it was in production and the show’s ending was no exception. I began reaching out to people, you know to commiserate and whatnot. Most folks I couldn’t reach, and those that I left messages with didn’t return them. It was as if people had already begun to distance themselves from INVASION. I didn’t understand why. Hadn’t the bonds we’d formed over the last 10 months superceded any network scheduling phenomena? Besides, there was a huge SAVE INVASION campaign which had been underway for weeks. Surely there was hope that a show this exceptional would be saved from the dustbins of mediocrity.

I came to realize that moving on isn’t just what folks do to take care of themselves financially, but its also a psychological and emotional salve as well. The state of television is in constant flux. One show begins, another ends and for the most part everyone accepts this with complacency. The cast and crews of t.v. shows have to bounce from project to project without a lot of attachment. After all, who but a lucky few can ride a show through to its fifth season? The “entertainment” part of this business is the pleasant surface that belies the turbulent waters underneath and most of the folks who flock to this town for the business are barely treading water. A desperate sense of self preservasion accounts for the shallowness which Los Angeles typifies. There may be a kind of heartless hollywoodness in Invasion’s fate but as Bill Fictner said, “Its a business. And we didn’t make our bottom line”. You can’t blame the bean counters if the numbers don’t add up.

I’ve kept in touch with a couple of Invasion folks and that’s what I walk away with. That and a really cool d.v.d. box set. And about 10 months worth of incredible memories.

9-25-2006

I just re-read the previous after a few weeks of letting my thoughts settle. I wanted to delete it all. How gloomy! But then again I thought those thoughts and felt those feelings or they wouldn’t have ended up there like they are, so I’ll leave them be and trust you get where I’m coming from. I guess what it states clearly is my confusion and disappointment in the days after the show ended. And the down time has been an opportunity to get some space from all of that and focus on what’s important in my life: my family.

So I’ve now had two months of “family time” and I’m moving on with a new project that I’m starting on my own. I’m setting up to teach an acting class in my home town of Fullerton. There is so much talent in Orange County and in my town in particular but very little training outside of the colleges in the O.C. and the acting classes up in L.A. I’m really excited about providing good and affordable acting coaching for local actors aspiring to work in film, t.v., or stage. The real-world advice alone from this “working” actor is worth admission. Its a project that I know will be good for me because it’ll keep me creatively (not to mention financially) fulfilled and will allow me the opportunity to give back to the community by contributing to the already very rich acting talent base here.

So, off to work!

Nathan

You may have noticed I haven’t written in a while. So this is how it breaks down with me, okay?:

Working? I’m happy, I write a lot. Not working? I’m not happy, I don’t write.

I even avoid talking on the phone. You know what its like when you’re down. The last thing you feel like doing is talking about things, let alone reaching out for a sounding board. An incoming call seems to propell you even further down the hole you were digging. Do you hit “Decline” and perpetuate this familiar and comfortable gloom, or do you press “Accept” and…well…what happens when you “Accept”?

I was compelled in spite of myself to answer my brother’s call the other night. I’m about fifteen minutes into the conversation and I’m having a mini-crisis because as much as I’d like to I’m totally incapable of putting on a happy face for him. Not that I often get dolled up to take my Polly-Anna puss out for a stroll, but you come to a point in a conversation when you realize that if you don’t start walking on the sunny side of the street you’re gonna be strolling solo. And maybe we should end the call. Who could possibly want to hear from me that things aren’t good anyway? Carrying on about all my bullshit isn’t catharsis, its indulgence. I shouldn’t have even answered the phone.

This is where Family steps in to save the day by cutting through all of the static in the brain like only Family can. My brother insists that I should continue writing blog entries during this time of inactivity. He thinks my experiences on the borders of success would be insightful for people who don’t have access to what goes on behind the scenes of the entertainmet industry. That their seeming lack of value might take on a different light in the eyes of others, or in future years as I (hopefully) look back on some of the more challenging periods of my career from a more comfortable vantage point.

So this begins my journal. Now, as my shrink will attest, I’m not very good about keeping a journal. But now that I’m using this site for “the worst of times” as well as “the best of times” my entries will be considerably more frequent. I hope you find it interesting.

Nathan