You may have noticed I haven’t written in a while. So this is how it breaks down with me, okay?:
Working? I’m happy, I write a lot. Not working? I’m not happy, I don’t write.
I even avoid talking on the phone. You know what its like when you’re down. The last thing you feel like doing is talking about things, let alone reaching out for a sounding board. An incoming call seems to propell you even further down the hole you were digging. Do you hit “Decline” and perpetuate this familiar and comfortable gloom, or do you press “Accept” and…well…what happens when you “Accept”?
I was compelled in spite of myself to answer my brother’s call the other night. I’m about fifteen minutes into the conversation and I’m having a mini-crisis because as much as I’d like to I’m totally incapable of putting on a happy face for him. Not that I often get dolled up to take my Polly-Anna puss out for a stroll, but you come to a point in a conversation when you realize that if you don’t start walking on the sunny side of the street you’re gonna be strolling solo. And maybe we should end the call. Who could possibly want to hear from me that things aren’t good anyway? Carrying on about all my bullshit isn’t catharsis, its indulgence. I shouldn’t have even answered the phone.
This is where Family steps in to save the day by cutting through all of the static in the brain like only Family can. My brother insists that I should continue writing blog entries during this time of inactivity. He thinks my experiences on the borders of success would be insightful for people who don’t have access to what goes on behind the scenes of the entertainmet industry. That their seeming lack of value might take on a different light in the eyes of others, or in future years as I (hopefully) look back on some of the more challenging periods of my career from a more comfortable vantage point.
So this begins my journal. Now, as my shrink will attest, I’m not very good about keeping a journal. But now that I’m using this site for “the worst of times” as well as “the best of times” my entries will be considerably more frequent. I hope you find it interesting.
Nathan
I check your site daily and was so glad to see that you wrote again, then I was sad. I am sorry that you are so down. But out of the darkness comes light.
Comment by Rusty — September 5, 2006 @ 11:31 am
Glad to see you back Nathan! Please, do write more journal entries, small stories of your every day life maybe, your opinion on this or that product, or this and that movie/show. We would love to read your thoughts about “stuff”. On a blog, anything goes!
Comment by Eugenia — September 5, 2006 @ 12:06 pm
Let’s see how many euphamisms I can fit in here…every cloud has a silver lining?…how about…tomorrow is another day?…nah…I’m sure we’ve all had days (months, years) like this Nathan (I know I have!) and it IS good in some way to “get it out”. I, like you, am HORRIBLE at keeping a journal also. That’s one of the things I like about the internet though. In some ways your anonymity is your greatest resource (although I guess you’re not all that anoymous anymore now are ya!?) I totally understand though about crawling inside yourself and not wanting to talk to anyone by any means. The only thing I can offer is that I find that after a period like this, I emerge stronger, more focused on what I am and who I am and it makes me a better wife, mother, friend, etc. Maybe it’s just our mind’s way of making us examine ourselves.
Here’s something hopefully to lift your spirits a bit. I got my copy of the Invasion DVD and, of course, went straight to ‘Invading the Mind of Shaun Cassidy.’ May I just say that I went over and over and over your part of the interview a few thousand times?! I guess I never noticed it before (probably because I haven’t really seen you in anything BUT Invasion) but when you play a part (at least the part of Lewis) you totally embrace that character. I mean I kept flipping back and forth between your interview and the scenes from the show because you just LOOKED so different. To me at least, that is the sign of a truly brilliant bit of acting. When the actor can look so totally different without the benefit of a major costume or makeup change and does it simply with the way he/she holds himself and the look in the eyes. You took Lewis to a dimension that, in the hands of another actor, I’m not so sure it would have been as believable. You owned that part and I’m sure TPTB will take notice!
Well I guess this was just a long-winded way of saying CHIN UP! (and yes, you can smack me now!)
Comment by Annie — September 5, 2006 @ 12:16 pm
Nathan, You are very brave to share the down times too, and I can completely relate to the mode of declination … but with momentum comes action. Keep moving! We’re here for you, as you’ve been for us! Take care -
Comment by Joanna — September 5, 2006 @ 12:17 pm
I too, check every day to see if you have written. Nathan, your blog is full of emotion, insight and WONDERFUL WRITING! I agree with your brother. Have you thought of writing a book of blogs? Your writing is terrific and you enjoy it! Perhaps in between films, or even instead of, write about your experiences, feelings, emotions, and opinions of the industry! Aside from the fact that you know you still have MANY fans, and apart from the fact that you are a terrific actor as well…you are blessed with the ability to write AND act and to tell you the truth, I could not read your “Last Wednesday” blog fast enough! I LOVED hearing what it was like shooting a TV show and what happens on the set and behind the scenes! I was hoping you’d write more blogs like it! Has anyone else written about that part of the entertainment industry? If so, I have never come across it. Maybe you should try it! Hang in there. You have many friends and fans who are supportive of you and admire you and your work.
Take Care,
AJ
Comment by AJ — September 5, 2006 @ 2:50 pm
Nathan, Cheer up. Success is just around the corner. I can feel it. You were so good in Invasion. Someone is sure to snag you up really soon. In the meantime you could always hon your talent with the theater where you could get some live audience response to boost your self esteem. You are young and handsome and talented. How can that not be noticed and rewarded soon. Keep your chin up and your eyes and ears open. We love you! Talon
Comment by Talon — September 5, 2006 @ 4:48 pm
Nathan,
Hi, this is my first time posting but I visit your site regularly.
I love your work!
Your character of Lewis Sirk really connected with me.
I have a physical challenge and I felt a connection with Deputy Sirk.
I commend you for how you protrayed Lewis, even though he had a physical challenge it didnt stop him.
Thank you for protraying Lewis as a strong independant man.
I know you will find work very soon! Keep your head up.
Thanks,
Sherry
Comment by Sherry Spofford — September 5, 2006 @ 6:16 pm
Hello Nathan, I’ve been reading your blog too, although I have never commented before. I keep a blog myself, and I know exactly where you are coming from. It’s sometimes so hard to motivate yourself to be to be proactive and creative when all you really want to do is slump in a corner and be miserable. But it’s ok to be down Nathan, and it’s ok to share that too, don’t look at it as self indulgence. Often when I write stuff I find I feel better just for the writing of it, something gets resolved within me as I get the words down..it’s truly cathartic.
I agree 100% with your bro, and I’m going to follow his advice too as I’ve been going through the same thing myself..once you get back into it, and see how people reach out to you, it makes the effort worthwhile.
And having to reach straight back out to them lifts you out and up into the world again, albeit our little ‘online’ world.
You were terrific, in a terrific TV series that has fans all over the world. I’m sure and positive this is the start of a great journey forward for you - thanks for sharing it.
In Bocca Lupo ( goodluck in italian!) Francesca
Comment by francesca carboni — September 6, 2006 @ 1:42 am
Welcome back, we missed you!
Comment by InvasionFan — September 6, 2006 @ 8:34 am
Dark times come and go in life Nathan and Im hoping your brighter times come again soon. At least you know that in addition to your family you have the support and best wishes of all your fans. Wishing you all the luck you so richly deserve.Looking forward to the more regular postings.
Karen, UK
Comment by Karen — September 6, 2006 @ 12:27 pm
Awww Nathan… We’ve all been in that bad space of, needing to talk & rant, but, just not feeling like doing it…I think thats how the internet helps..we dont have to face anyone directly.. dont have to verbalize. All we have to do is just write down the words, &, hopefully, that helps. My mother used to say…”Go into the music”.. when I was upset about something.. She was a huge Streisand fan…&, it just took everything bad away for her at times. She just generally meant, get occupied, distract yourself with something youre interested in, etc. Now, everyones different how they handle it.. & hopefully, you’ll find the best way that works for you to cheer you up. Personally, its interesting & fun to read blogs.. or what have you.. & they’re a good soundingboard too.
Comment by Kat — September 6, 2006 @ 4:15 pm
Life seems to be difficult more often then not. I believe it is even more challenging for creative people who are lacking an outlet. Add trying to make a living into that equation and it can really get you down.
My husband is a frustrated actor so I have an idea of what you are going thru. I try to encourage him to do something, anything with that creativity when he is not able to act. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes you just have to allow yourself to wallow for a little while.
You seem to have a talent for writing so I hope it helps pull you out of your doldrums.
Comment by Jane — September 7, 2006 @ 12:09 pm
Hello! I am an italian fun of Invasion. Excuse me for my imperfect English, but Invasion it’s a wonderfull show, and I am very unhappy now, because Invasion it’s cancelled. I hope in a second “serie”.
God-bye!
Comment by Odino — September 7, 2006 @ 12:13 pm
you are beautiful!!!and i love your work!!
Comment by aurora — September 7, 2006 @ 12:23 pm
nathan! this beautiful italian song it’s for you.
p.s. w invasion!!
ciao
Che bella cosa na jurnata ‘e sole,
n’aria serena doppo na tempesta!
Pe’ ll’aria fresca pare gia’ na festa…
Che bella cosa na jurnata ‘e sole.
Ma n’atu sole
cchiu’ bello, oi ne’.
‘o sole mio
sta ‘nfronte a te!
‘o sole, ‘o sole mio
sta ‘nfronte a te!
sta ‘nfronte a te!
Comment by aurora — September 7, 2006 @ 12:55 pm
Hi Nathan! Glad to have you back. I really enjoyed your work on Invasion, and I look forward to seeing you in your next adventure.
If you were to try some more writing, what would it be? Play, sitcom, big screen movie? Would it be fantasy, drama, fiction? How about a book with or for your child? One of the things I did with my daughter was write a book together. Just a little silly one. But it was such a fun thing to do. We printed them up and gave them out at Christmas. One of my most “favoritest” memorabelia of when she was little. And every once in a while I pull it out and read it. It’s incredibly simple, but I can’t help but smile to myself. She’s twelve now, but still smiles and laughs outloud at it. And just think, I CAN’T write.
Always try to do a little something positive everyday. It’s not something anybody else even needs to know about, but it will make you feel better about that day. I was a stay at home mom for 10 years. I LOVED being the person raising our child , but there were countless times I felt lost and invisable. But for each day I found something to laugh about, made a memory, or even leant a hand to a friend or stranger, I was able to see the good of that day, and feel better about the next day.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Take Care,
Lisa
Comment by Lisa — September 7, 2006 @ 8:24 pm
hello Nathan, my name is Emma and i live in Manchester, England. I like many many people watched invasion and enjoyed it so much and was extremely upset when it ended but please listen when i say that it was just the beginning for you! Everybody has there low times and i know you are having yours now. I get down and worry at times and sometimes you can dig yourself in such a hole it’s hard to get out, you don’t want to get in that hole, come to think of it you don’t want to even get near it. Your very talented and you’ll get involved in something else if invasion is not carried on in the future. I believe that god gives you experiences in life you have to learn by them,tit doesn’t always go the way you want it to but i can guarantee it will work out in the end. Just a couple of weeks ago I had a brick through my car window,it caused me alot of stress and upset and money, that week i won the irish lottery, now irish lottery is not a great deal but it was enough to pay for my new window. Sorry i’m rambling on and you are probably thinking what is she going on about! Sorry if i’m boring you but i just want you to know things happen for a reason! You just look after yourself and keep writing on your blog but remember god has plans for you! Take care Emma Waddington xx
Comment by emma waddington — September 9, 2006 @ 9:51 am
I can read in your words a deep sorrow and that’s the reason why I want to share with you this words of Khalil Gibran.
With friendly love,
Paola
ON HOY AND SORROW
Then a woman said, “Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.”
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
Comment by Paola — September 10, 2006 @ 8:12 am
Hi Nathan!
I’m Sabina, an Italian Invasion Fan! I hope to see the second season…!
Nathan you are great! I love Lewis!!!
Kisses
Comment by sabina — September 12, 2006 @ 5:30 am
You’re allowed your downs, Mr. Nathan Baesel. However, I am of the strong belief that soon ‘Man Behind the Mask’ will find an audience. You’re very talented and your following will grow. The right project will fall into your lap, and I’ll first in line at the ticket booth. And, of course, if it doesn’t fall into your lap, write your own. Two birds one stone, it’d be therapeutic.
Comment by Cassandra — September 15, 2006 @ 6:37 pm
NATHAN…I HOPE THAT ABC SAVE INVASION…YOU MUST CONTINUE TO MAKE MORE…YOU’RE A VERY BRAVO ACTOR.SIGNED BY AN ITALIAN FAN
Comment by JANA — September 18, 2006 @ 7:38 am
Hey, Nathan. I just revisited Invasion’s Origin of the Species on DVD (Lewis’s “have and have not” episode). Pardon my language but I must reiterate that you were f**king brilliant! That and the eps that follow clearly still move me and I still say “Bravo!” and thank you. Take care -
Comment by Joanna — September 21, 2006 @ 8:01 am